To honor God in my writings

Posts tagged ‘relationship’

TANGLE

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As i was untangling the rope that i had so i could use it to tie my box, it is easy to become impatient and just keep on pulling any part of the string that causes the rope’s tangle to get tighter and more difficult to remove. An easy way to solve it is to cut it but it wouldn’t be useful anymore. So it is with the relationships in our lives. The choices we make causes our lives to get entangled. The more wrong choices we make, the messier it becomes and our status becomes “complicated”.

Conflicts in relationships are inevitable. We will surely encounter them in our lives – with our families, officemates, friends, even strangers. Sometimes we want to follow our own ways, in our own time, we just say what we feel and do things that are hurtful to others. It is like cutting the rope.

Dealing with relationships and conflicts really needs a lot of patience, strategy, and time. It requires analysing the problem, thinking of ways to solve it.  We need to talk about it, gather insights and advice from godly people with wisdom, getting a fresh perspective of the situation, and even taking a break or a vacation. It is easy for us to talk to anyone and aggravate the situation all the more. When we want people to take our side and hear what we want to hear. This cause the rope to tangle all the more. So seeking advice from godly people with wisdom are very crucial in solving our problems. They can give new perspective and solutions that we cannot think of ourselves.

We cannot control other people but we can control our own actions and reactions. One of the essentials that we often neglect is prayer. We need to pray to God and lift things up to Him – ask Him for wisdom and guidance on what actions to take. He alone can change people’s heart. It doesn’t happen overnight, it really takes time – weeks and even years. That is why we need to be patient. Often times, we want to give up on ourselves and others saying “Walang pagasa yan.” or “It is hopeless.” But we must remember that with God nothing is impossible. We must keep on praying and hope for the best.

Another key element in resolving conflict is communication and open dialogue. I’m used to being an authoritarian dad and what i say stand. But it cannot work that way especially when kids grow older and enter teenage years. Even now, i can’t force my son to do things that he doesn’t want to do. I cannot use my anger and shouting to make him comply. It may work and get the job done but it wouldn’t have a good effect on him. This thing I’m still praying and working on improving. Open dialogue and communication allow us to have different opinions and views on things as long as it is not bad and wrong. All of us have different views and principles that we follow so we have to respect one another. Some principles are better than others but we cannot force it on other people. They have to accept and embrace it in their own time. We have to be gentle in bringing our point across. Hurtful words and actions will build up walls rather than sort things out. In God’s time, with a lot of work, communication, and prayer, things will get better.

Voila! My rope is untangled. 🙂 God bless.

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Leave and cleave part 2

Truth #3: It DESTROYS RELATIONSHIP.

One thing that men always say “My mom is kind. My wife won’t have a problem getting along with her.” How i wish this was true but this is not often the case.  We don’t understand the pressure that is put on our wives who has to conform and watch her every move. There is a hidden test being put on them to see if they are really good for my son.

I know some good moms who still don’t get along with their in-laws because of simple expectations that they have – like she should know how to cook and do household chores, and many other stereotypes that are so different from our culture today. The stereotype of a wife has had a big transformation. We now have working moms than just the typical house wife that cares for the home. We have women that are career oriented, managers of corporation, and so on.

These unmet expectations, no matter how small leads to misunderstanding and bitterness that builds up over the years. Ex. Wife can’t cook like mom-in-law so she doesn’t want a confrontation so she hides in the room which is then misinterpreted as disrespect… And the frustration just keeps on building up.

Problem with in-laws are specially encountered when it comes to raising children. There is a saying “grand children are reward for parents who didn’t kill their children.” So grandparents are enjoying their grandchildren and spoiling them, giving in to all their wants and demands. They don’t have the pressure of disciplining them which results to conflict with the parents. You would be blessed if you have grandparents that knows how to set limits and respect the jurisdiction of the parent’s role to discipline. If they have wise counsel and biblical strategies in sharing to you about parenting.

I have been traveling around the country and it a been the same stories whether in the province or
in Manila. These stories have the same outcome – strained or damaged relationships, emotional agony for the wife or a spouse that moves in.

Again, the argument of economical reason is too cheap to exchange for the value of relationships. God knows what the design for marriage is. This is an appeal for obedience to Leave and Cleave. Love your wives, save them from the pain that they should not have to bear. You don’t need to buy a house to obey. You can just rent if you like. The truth of the matter still remains the same Leave and Cleave. Then you will experience the joy of obedience. Financial management will be a different issue to tackle.

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