To honor God in my writings

Posts tagged ‘modeling’

V-day, so what?

Valentines Day – I’m not a fan of this occasion. My wife doesn’t like flowers. She considers it a waste of money as it is expensive and withers in just a few days. However, as I reflected on my own selfish love – the desire of just “get, get, get” and all about me, I decided to not be selfish for this time and show appreciation to my wife by giving her flowers and buying her a gift. I set my plan in motion 2 days before V-day.

I made an alibi that I needed to go to the office that day, so I can be alone and buy these stuff. However, I was tasked to bring my son and daughter to the doctor’s clinic as it is near the office. We went and then dropped by the office to do some things. Afterwards, we hurriedly drove to the flower shop to buy flowers. Not 1 dozen red roses because it was expensive, so I settled for the minimum – 3pcs. This was so that my wife wouldn’t be bothered by the high cost of it and tell me it’s a waste of money. We then proceeded to the mall to buy my wife’s gift. My 12 year old son was also excited and helped me with the choices.

By 12 noon, she was already texting where we were since we’re supposed to have lunch at home. We arrived after awhile and I gave her the flowers and the gift, gave her a hug and a kiss.

What I didn’t know was the effect of this gesture to my children. How would they see a husband loving their wife if I don’t demonstrate it. I decided to ask my daughter about it and she said “I am happy because I can see that you love mommy.” i asked her again, “Why? Don’t I love mommy, if I don’t give her these things?” She replied “You still do.” It was just more visual for them, more tangible rather then abstract.

Cassie Carsten said husband needs to provide emotional security at home and this is done by husband loving his wife, the children’s mother. Celebrating her, cherishing her, appreciating her, and loving her in words and deeds. This is a profound example by which our children learn to love their spouses in the future. A simple gesture and yet has a profound impact through modeling.


Fathering Flaws from Great Men of Faith 3

Eli served as a priest of Israel. He was the representative of the people to God. He had 2 sons, Hopni and Phinehas, who were also serving as priests. However, they were wicked and treated the sacrifices of the Lord with contempt (1 Samuel 2:12, 22).

We can see in their lives that when we serve God with the externals, all we have is religion. We can be doing things for God, doing ministry in the church, helping the poor, and yet live unholy and wicked lives. The Bible tells us: “they honor me with the lips and yet their hearts are far from me.” and Jesus said to the  people claiming to know him and serve him in his parable “I do not know you, away from me you evil doers.”

We can see from Eli’s life that religious leaders are not exempted from family problems and struggles. There are many pastor’s children and children from Christian homes that wander off from the faith and rebel against their parents. 1 Sam 2:24-25 tells us the action the Eli took when he heard the sins his sons were doing. He rebuked them and gave them a lecture. But his children didn’t listen.

Modeling is a strong teacher. There is a great urgency for us to take on the responsibility of training our children and instilling on them godly principles while they are young. For when they reach their teenage years, their values are internalized and they have their own minds. If we don’t have a close relationship with them then our influence on them will be a weak link. Their friends will easily persuade them with their values. Moreover, if they see us as hypocrites – teaching them principles that we do not abide by and we don’t practice, then they are more likely to move away from the values that we want them to adopt and apply. So modeling is of utmost important.

Eli’s children were taking the meat while the fat was still in it. They don’t want the fats to be burned because fat is delicious. but God as our creator knows what is best for us. From my point of view, i think Eli also had part of this because as the bible says he was fat. So if he corrects his son, they’ll say “Hey, you’re eating it too.” Ungodliness slowly crept in to their lives. First, contempt for the sacrifice then no more regard for God’s laws leading to wickedness and immorality just as stated in Romans 1. Instilling God’s word to our children’s hearts is valuable but it can easily become head knowledge or even a plain subject or vocation. What we need to achieve is for them to have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. We must show them that God is real in our everyday circumstances – praying and trusting in Him. Our faith and trust in God is displayed through our reactions and how we deal with our circumstances. Do we react in anger or in sweet surrender? In thanksgiving or in grumbling and complaining? In prayer or in anxiety and worries?

Amidst our imperfection, it is by God’s grace that our children will thrive. Let us continue to pray for them and for ourselves. Never stop learning and changing for the better. God’s Holy Spirit will help us change from the inside out as He is in the business of transforming people and making things new. He who began a good wok in you will be able to complete it (Phil 1:6)

Fathering Flaws from Great Men of Faith 2

David and Modeling

David acquired more and more wives and concubines. He acted on his impulse specially with his sexual desires (1 Sam 25:42-43 marrying Abigail and Ahinoam, aside from his first wife Michal, daugter of Saul.)  This happened again in 2 Sam 11 with Bathsheba: he saw her, desired her, inquired about her, invited her and had sex with her despite knowing that she was already married. In 2 Sam 5:13, it says “After he left Hebron, David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem, and more sons and daughters were born to him.”

So we begin to see David’s weakness with women and with sex. He did not exercise self-control nor restrained his desires. Sad to say, his children followed his example: Amnon raped his half-sister, Tamar, whom he thought he “loved” (2 Sam 13).  Solomon following and topping off his father’s record got 700wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3) which led to his downfall.

It is so difficult for these children of David to grow without any father figure. Moreover, you can see your dad having sex with different women as he so chooses, degraded women in their sight. Modelling to them that as a leader or a man of power, they can do anything they wanted and by any means they thought of.

Our actions speaks louder than words – MODELLING. In my experience, my authoritarian parenting style coupled with my strictness and high expectation often results in my anger being modeled to my children. Guess what i passed on unintentionally? My son also displays anger in dealing with his younger sister. In return, her sister shouts at him. They learned to use expressions like “Hoy!” Or “lousy!” We end up correcting them with what we have modelled to them unintentionally.

My life of anger is a process, that i continue to surrender to God day by day, praying and looking to God for transformation. As i learned from pastor Peter Tanchi last Sunday, we need to respond and not react through an acronym PRAY:
Resist the initial impulse
Ask God for help
Yield to God’s Spirit.

1. Invest Time

By God’s grace, the children have been growing well, still happy and smiley as we continue to bond and spend time loving them and having fun with them.

2. Be Humble

I talk and apologize to my son every now and then, telling him that “dad and mom are not perfect and God wants us to love one another – to be gentle and kind, not to shout and be angry.”

3. Pray For God’s Empowering

“Dad and mom are trying our best too and we continue to pray that God’s Spirit help us make right choices.”

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