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Leave and cleave part 3

Leave and Cleave part 3

Truth #4: IT INVOLVES EMOTIONAL CLEAVING

Aside from not leaving physically, a bigger problem will be not leaving emotionally. We love our parents so much (that is good) that we don’t have emotional independence from them. We look to them for everything. This is a hard fact to deal with – “Are you a mama’s boy?” My wife’s dad was like this so she left her family and went back to his mama. She never met him.

We need to cut the emotional dependence we have with our old family so that we can cleave to our wives emotionally. We are not able to become a new unit because we did not leave our old unit.

When conflict arises, we grind our wives instead of being one with her. A principle that i learned is that “We should have a united front.” This means that we discuss matters privately and present it as your decision specially to your parents. This will protect our wives from being the bad guy. Ex. She doesn’t want to go to the party. You’ll both agree and say we decided or i decided not to go specially when talking to your parents. You don’t go saying ” we won’t go because she doesn’t want to.” Then she becomes the bad guy. And when there is something good being done, it should be presented as her good. Ex. My wife wants to give this gift to you… Etc. We build them up and carry the flaws to ourselves. This is being a man for our wives, sacrificially loving her. This isn’t even to the point of death, these are just small issues.

Be one with your wife, physically and emotionally. Leave your old family, detach from them and cleave to your wife – be united in goals, in purposes, in decisions, and in handling the finances.

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Leave and cleave part 2

Truth #3: It DESTROYS RELATIONSHIP.

One thing that men always say “My mom is kind. My wife won’t have a problem getting along with her.” How i wish this was true but this is not often the case.  We don’t understand the pressure that is put on our wives who has to conform and watch her every move. There is a hidden test being put on them to see if they are really good for my son.

I know some good moms who still don’t get along with their in-laws because of simple expectations that they have – like she should know how to cook and do household chores, and many other stereotypes that are so different from our culture today. The stereotype of a wife has had a big transformation. We now have working moms than just the typical house wife that cares for the home. We have women that are career oriented, managers of corporation, and so on.

These unmet expectations, no matter how small leads to misunderstanding and bitterness that builds up over the years. Ex. Wife can’t cook like mom-in-law so she doesn’t want a confrontation so she hides in the room which is then misinterpreted as disrespect… And the frustration just keeps on building up.

Problem with in-laws are specially encountered when it comes to raising children. There is a saying “grand children are reward for parents who didn’t kill their children.” So grandparents are enjoying their grandchildren and spoiling them, giving in to all their wants and demands. They don’t have the pressure of disciplining them which results to conflict with the parents. You would be blessed if you have grandparents that knows how to set limits and respect the jurisdiction of the parent’s role to discipline. If they have wise counsel and biblical strategies in sharing to you about parenting.

I have been traveling around the country and it a been the same stories whether in the province or
in Manila. These stories have the same outcome – strained or damaged relationships, emotional agony for the wife or a spouse that moves in.

Again, the argument of economical reason is too cheap to exchange for the value of relationships. God knows what the design for marriage is. This is an appeal for obedience to Leave and Cleave. Love your wives, save them from the pain that they should not have to bear. You don’t need to buy a house to obey. You can just rent if you like. The truth of the matter still remains the same Leave and Cleave. Then you will experience the joy of obedience. Financial management will be a different issue to tackle.

LEAVE and CLEAVE part 1

Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.

 

This is the first biblical principle we can learn about marriage.  But let us explore some of the common arguments that we give in order to avoid following this principle.

 

Argument # 1: Economical – save expenses from ren to buy or build our own house.

Truth # 1:  God’s economy is different from our economy.

Truth # 2: God’s blessings follow obedience to His will.

 

God does not give us a command for us to follow and just leave us on our own strength to do it.  But in His every command, there are blessings connected with it.  God blesses us for every step of faith and obedience that we do / take.

 

Career and Marriage: I started working with a starting salary of 10k peso gross a month.  I left and opted to help in our family business and starting a new frontier in Davao and General Santos along with my dad.  It was a clean slate, we had 0 sales for several trips.  In 2002 as we plan for our marriage, we learned about the biblical portrait of marriage by Dr Bruce Wilkinson – Leave and Cleave.  After we heard that message, we were thinking of the pros and the cons like this common argument that we have.  But still we decided to obey God’s design and started looking for a house.  We were getting disappointed because we couldn’t find a good house with a good location.  Still we trusted God.  For Chinese culture, it is a fear of the children to ask permission from their parents to live on their own because their parents might be insulted.  When we told our parents about it, they gave us their blessing.

 

God’s commands are tied up with His promises.  In His time, my mom and dad were able to find a “not so old house” with a great location.  The size was twice and the price was half of a brand new one.  It was really a bargain though we still had to renovate the interior.  Truly God is amazing at providing when we follow His will.

 

Next paying for the house:  Again, God provided and increased my sales with the suppliers that He has given me.  My wife got promoted at work too.  Despite of the increases in income, we sacrificed from spending money for our pleasure and luxury and devoted all our earnings in paying off our mortgages because we believe in a debt-free lifestyle.

 

In all these years, we didn’t fail to “return” our tithes (10% of our income) to God.  We saw His faithfulness and provision year after year until we were debt free – The blessing of faith and obedience to our Almighty God.  He is our Great Provider and He is in control.  As we near the end of our mortgage, He gave us our first son.  What a great bonus and perfect timing.

 

I encourage you once more – Trust in God’s promises – He will never leave you nor forsake you.  If you follow His commands, He will provide for you, He will enable and empower you to abide in His principles.  Our wisdom and economics are foolishness compared to His wisdom and His economy.  Again, God’s blessings follows obedience to His will.

 

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