Leave and Cleave part 3
Truth #4: IT INVOLVES EMOTIONAL CLEAVING
Aside from not leaving physically, a bigger problem will be not leaving emotionally. We love our parents so much (that is good) that we don’t have emotional independence from them. We look to them for everything. This is a hard fact to deal with – “Are you a mama’s boy?” My wife’s dad was like this so she left her family and went back to his mama. She never met him.
We need to cut the emotional dependence we have with our old family so that we can cleave to our wives emotionally. We are not able to become a new unit because we did not leave our old unit.
When conflict arises, we grind our wives instead of being one with her. A principle that i learned is that “We should have a united front.” This means that we discuss matters privately and present it as your decision specially to your parents. This will protect our wives from being the bad guy. Ex. She doesn’t want to go to the party. You’ll both agree and say we decided or i decided not to go specially when talking to your parents. You don’t go saying ” we won’t go because she doesn’t want to.” Then she becomes the bad guy. And when there is something good being done, it should be presented as her good. Ex. My wife wants to give this gift to you… Etc. We build them up and carry the flaws to ourselves. This is being a man for our wives, sacrificially loving her. This isn’t even to the point of death, these are just small issues.
Be one with your wife, physically and emotionally. Leave your old family, detach from them and cleave to your wife – be united in goals, in purposes, in decisions, and in handling the finances.