To honor God in my writings

Posts tagged ‘family’

​How to reduce stress in the family

1. Lower expectation, higher appreciation

    I am easily disappointed when my children makes mistakes or makes a mess, when they are irresponsible with tasks given to them. It makes me wonder if my expectations are just too high for a 6 and a 10 year old. My normal tendencies is to give a sermon that goes on and on, repeating again and again. They end up getting frustrated and exasperated. 

The same principle applies with our spouses, we often nag them for the things that they fail to do or their short comings, focusing on the negative. But what is helpful is to count our blessings. Do not focus on what we don’t have but on what we do have. Appreciate our kids and spouse more rather than criticize them for their short comings and misgivings. 
2. Resist the urge to lecture NOW.

    From my earlier example, as we all know, lecturing during or after the crisis doesn’t work. So it is wiser to take note of the issue at hand and address it at a later time. I so need to work on this.

3. Teach principles in a creative way.  

    When things cool down, aside from just talking to them directly, we can do artwork to get the point across, have an object lesson or a story telling session. We must adapt our teaching to the learning style of our children. My son is a visual learner, so what can you expect him to learn from hearing my 5-point sermon. 

As we are called to be intentional, we have to plan how to communicate the principles to our kids, patiently and gently. I often get frustrated when they don’t learn it the first time around. Having a project about the character we want them to learn will be more effective like singing bible verses, watching cartoons with such lessons. However, it will really take time to mold a character. So we need to take it 1 at a time. As they say, more than 3 criticisms breaks the spirit, it is too much to bear.  So APPRECIATE, APPRECIATE, APPRECIATE; PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE. 

God bless y’all.

Computer Time EQUALS No Time???

Let us start off with looking at a few examples:

Situation 1:
Child: Hi dad/mom. Can you play with me?
Parent: Sorry child, i can’t. I’m busy. You can play your tab or computer.

Situation 2:
Parent: Come on kids, let’s go out for dinner with some of my friends.
(At the restaurant, kids become playful and noisy)
Parent: Kids, come and sit down. Here, play my cellphone, so we can talk.
(Kids are quiet playing computer games, while the adults chat)

Situation 3:
Child: Hi dad/mom. Can you play with me?
Parent (coming home from work): Sorry child, but I’m quite tired from the office. Go play your games.

Word of Warning: What i say next is shocking. It may anger you and prompt you for a violent reaction. You may call me old-fashion, out-dated but please do bear with me and consider this profound truth that is happening around us.

With the above situations, it maybe that we did not directly instruct them to play computer games but rarely do i see kids that are not drawn to gadgets. Computer games are so interesting, captivating, exciting, and engaging that it gets the attention of both the young and old alike. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we should not use technology for education. But there are articles online that says, videos and computers are not recommended for small kids because it hampers their brain development and develops more ADHD cases, due to short attention span. Moreover, computer games are really addicting and has become just like alcoholism and drugs.

This shocking profound truth is: Has computer game time translated to Us having “No Time” with them?

With the reality that we are living in, kids are left alone with gadgets – tv, internet, computer games. Yes, computer games develop strategy and all that. But children now a days are lacking creative play, the use of their imagination. Despite of all the toys around them, children who are used to play computer games says “I’m bored.” if left for even a few minutes without it.

INVEST TIME WITH THEM. Children longs for your time – Time to play with them, be with them, spend time and enjoy them. Don’t you miss the time, the family spent jamming together, playing truth or dare, playing chess, game boards like monopoly, millionaire, game of life, boggle, scrabble, playing cards, pictionary, going road trips on weekends, doing sports, and so on. I bet you remember and miss those games that you used to play when you were young.

DO THE REAL THING WITH THEM. They play Angry Bird, be the bird and build the pillows. They are playing baking and cooking games, bake and cook with them for real. They’re playing basketball, play with them in a real court. Play chase, play around the house. City living is full of buildings and malls that are children don’t have places to run around. It would be good to bring them to parks and see nature often.

We have to AWAKEN THE INNER CHILD in us once more so that we can role-play with them, play their toys creatively with them just like in the movie Toy Story. You are never too old for it. It even makes you younger.

STOP WASTING TIME yourself with Facebook and Twitter. Stop minding the lives of other people and make your life count with those who are really valuable to you – that’s Your FAMILY. It is not too late. Make your life count, starting with your own family then with those around you. Stop playing games yourself – Bejeweled, Candy Crush, and so on.  You are throwing your life away for nothing. Again, my appeal to you, invest your time to what really matters – your children and your family. May God allow us to realize this and help us make the right choices to make our future a better and meaningful one specially for our children. God bless you all.

Fathering Flaws from Great Men of Faith

David (2 Samuel 11-14)

We know that David is a man after God’s own heart. But even in his success, he sinned against God and had a weakness for women. He acquired more and more wives. One that displeased the Lord was how he got Bathsheba – through murder. So his consequence was the sword will never cease to devour in your own house.

Indeed, this came true with Amnon and Absalom. David was a very wise and discerning king. He seek God’s advice for every actions that he took when he was going to war. Could it be that David backslided? How come in regards to his family affair, he was not seeking God. In his relationships he did not seek God’s will – like what to do with Amnon’s sin of raping his half-sister, Tamar. What to do with Absalom for murdering his half-brother, Amnon. He wasn’t even bothered if he did not see his son Absalom for many years. He longed for him but did not bring him back. When he brought him back courtesy of Joab’s idea, he didn’t go see him for 2 years as well.

Could it be that David has backslidden or he has compartmentalize his life about seeking God’s will with nation’s affairs but not family affairs? This reminds us of the value to seek God’s will specially in terms of our relationship and family – dispensing discipline, justice, involvement, and most important of all love. Maybe he was too busy and had too many families to be able to mind them and be involved in rearing them up. We can see that David had a weakness in being a great father despite him being a great king and leader. It reminds us that even as we succeed in our careers and earn a lot of money but if we didn’t invest our time with our families they will be led astray. They might even just squander our riches foolishly.

It is never too late to correct this problem though it may not be easy. Teens will have their own agendas and groups that they don’t want to spend time with us anymore. But through repentance, prayer, and God’s grace there is hope for restoration and reconciliation.

As parents, you have the first move of reconciliation, will you take it? Will you humble yourself and ask God and our children for forgiveness of our shortcomings and sin of neglect?

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