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Archive for June, 2015

Perspective on Anger

From the previous article, i shared about my anger with my son for his disobedience with a simple and easy command that i asked him to do.

2 Truth about Anger
1) Anger doesn’t make them Realize their mistakes
2) Anger doesn’t make them Resolve to do what’s right

Jam 1:20 (Esv)
20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Anger only aggravates the situation, and shifts the focus to a different thing. What are some constructive way to deal with the situation? Here are some suggestions: 3Rs
1) Reflect on their attitude and actions – we should stop what we’re asking them to do, whether studying, assignments, or a chore, and give them a time out. Let them go to a place so they can think and deal with their issues in the heart and then come back when their ready. With a  calm voice, we issue a command once, if they don’t follow – time out. So do not need to get angry before you give them a time out.

2) Reassure them of God’s and your unconditional love – when they come back from their time out and have regained a better perspective, we can now communicate with them how much we love them and how we want to develop their character – responsibility, diligence, and so on. Reassuring them that we love them no matter what. We love them not only when they get high grades or when they are well behaved. If God loved us like that then all of us will cease to exist since we’re so hard headed ourselves, stiff-necked as the Bible puts it.

3) Restore them to their true identity – criticisms whether constructive or destructive are hurtful and painful. Truth hurts. That is why we need to elevate them and encourage them to be all that God want them to be. We as parents want our kids to excel and achieve what God has purposed for their lives. First, we need to share God’s love to them through Jesus’ finished work on the cross so that they may receive forgiveness and adoption as sons of God. Secondly, as heirs of the promise, we need to teach them to act in a worthy manner of their calling. We can never be there with them 24/7, that is why we need to lift them up to God in prayer. Pray for their heart, their character, and their future. God is our partner in raising our kids up. We need to do our part in instilling His words in their hearts so that when they grow old , they will not depart from it.

Perspective on Weakness/Failure

The other night, i got angry with my son. He didn’t do anything bad but he wasn’t obedient to my command to clear up his table before we sleep – gather the books, put them back on his bookshelf, place the pencils in the drawer, clear the table of any mess. I had to repeat my instruction or request 3-5 times. He said he didn’t do it because he didn’t like to. When you repeat your instruction for several times that means your blood is starting to boil, you start getting annoyed and angry. This can happen several times in a day or in a week. How will that make you feel? Disappointed, discouraged, frustrated, exasperated…

I was blessed to attend a couples / family retreat where our session led to sharing on being Christlike in the family. A lot of parents shared the same struggles – anger, respect, gentleness, submission.

As i pondered on the matter, dwelling with our weaknesses makes us downcast and want to quit. But when we look at God’s word, He tells us:

Phi 4:8 (esv)
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Rom 12:2 (esv)
2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

These 2 verses tells us to stop dwelling on our weaknesses and failures. Stop babying your sin and think positive. Arise from where you have fallen, and start living in God’s power and victory. As you spend time with God, meditate on His word, and soak in prayer, we will be transformed from the inside out. Instead of thinking about anger, think about how to be kind, how to respond with gentleness, how to love unconditionally. We are all works in progress and by God’s grace and His Holy Spirit living in us, we will succeed so that He may be glorified in our lives, in our families. God bless you all.

To be continued on next article – Perspective on Anger

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