David and Modeling
David acquired more and more wives and concubines. He acted on his impulse specially with his sexual desires (1 Sam 25:42-43 marrying Abigail and Ahinoam, aside from his first wife Michal, daugter of Saul.) This happened again in 2 Sam 11 with Bathsheba: he saw her, desired her, inquired about her, invited her and had sex with her despite knowing that she was already married. In 2 Sam 5:13, it says “After he left Hebron, David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem, and more sons and daughters were born to him.”
So we begin to see David’s weakness with women and with sex. He did not exercise self-control nor restrained his desires. Sad to say, his children followed his example: Amnon raped his half-sister, Tamar, whom he thought he “loved” (2 Sam 13). Solomon following and topping off his father’s record got 700wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3) which led to his downfall.
It is so difficult for these children of David to grow without any father figure. Moreover, you can see your dad having sex with different women as he so chooses, degraded women in their sight. Modelling to them that as a leader or a man of power, they can do anything they wanted and by any means they thought of.
Our actions speaks louder than words – MODELLING. In my experience, my authoritarian parenting style coupled with my strictness and high expectation often results in my anger being modeled to my children. Guess what i passed on unintentionally? My son also displays anger in dealing with his younger sister. In return, her sister shouts at him. They learned to use expressions like “Hoy!” Or “lousy!” We end up correcting them with what we have modelled to them unintentionally.
My life of anger is a process, that i continue to surrender to God day by day, praying and looking to God for transformation. As i learned from pastor Peter Tanchi last Sunday, we need to respond and not react through an acronym PRAY:
Resist the initial impulse
Ask God for help
Yield to God’s Spirit.
1. Invest Time
By God’s grace, the children have been growing well, still happy and smiley as we continue to bond and spend time loving them and having fun with them.
2. Be Humble
I talk and apologize to my son every now and then, telling him that “dad and mom are not perfect and God wants us to love one another – to be gentle and kind, not to shout and be angry.”
3. Pray For God’s Empowering
“Dad and mom are trying our best too and we continue to pray that God’s Spirit help us make right choices.”