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Archive for April, 2014

Leave and cleave part 3

Leave and Cleave part 3

Truth #4: IT INVOLVES EMOTIONAL CLEAVING

Aside from not leaving physically, a bigger problem will be not leaving emotionally. We love our parents so much (that is good) that we don’t have emotional independence from them. We look to them for everything. This is a hard fact to deal with – “Are you a mama’s boy?” My wife’s dad was like this so she left her family and went back to his mama. She never met him.

We need to cut the emotional dependence we have with our old family so that we can cleave to our wives emotionally. We are not able to become a new unit because we did not leave our old unit.

When conflict arises, we grind our wives instead of being one with her. A principle that i learned is that “We should have a united front.” This means that we discuss matters privately and present it as your decision specially to your parents. This will protect our wives from being the bad guy. Ex. She doesn’t want to go to the party. You’ll both agree and say we decided or i decided not to go specially when talking to your parents. You don’t go saying ” we won’t go because she doesn’t want to.” Then she becomes the bad guy. And when there is something good being done, it should be presented as her good. Ex. My wife wants to give this gift to you… Etc. We build them up and carry the flaws to ourselves. This is being a man for our wives, sacrificially loving her. This isn’t even to the point of death, these are just small issues.

Be one with your wife, physically and emotionally. Leave your old family, detach from them and cleave to your wife – be united in goals, in purposes, in decisions, and in handling the finances.

Leave and cleave part 2

Truth #3: It DESTROYS RELATIONSHIP.

One thing that men always say “My mom is kind. My wife won’t have a problem getting along with her.” How i wish this was true but this is not often the case.  We don’t understand the pressure that is put on our wives who has to conform and watch her every move. There is a hidden test being put on them to see if they are really good for my son.

I know some good moms who still don’t get along with their in-laws because of simple expectations that they have – like she should know how to cook and do household chores, and many other stereotypes that are so different from our culture today. The stereotype of a wife has had a big transformation. We now have working moms than just the typical house wife that cares for the home. We have women that are career oriented, managers of corporation, and so on.

These unmet expectations, no matter how small leads to misunderstanding and bitterness that builds up over the years. Ex. Wife can’t cook like mom-in-law so she doesn’t want a confrontation so she hides in the room which is then misinterpreted as disrespect… And the frustration just keeps on building up.

Problem with in-laws are specially encountered when it comes to raising children. There is a saying “grand children are reward for parents who didn’t kill their children.” So grandparents are enjoying their grandchildren and spoiling them, giving in to all their wants and demands. They don’t have the pressure of disciplining them which results to conflict with the parents. You would be blessed if you have grandparents that knows how to set limits and respect the jurisdiction of the parent’s role to discipline. If they have wise counsel and biblical strategies in sharing to you about parenting.

I have been traveling around the country and it a been the same stories whether in the province or
in Manila. These stories have the same outcome – strained or damaged relationships, emotional agony for the wife or a spouse that moves in.

Again, the argument of economical reason is too cheap to exchange for the value of relationships. God knows what the design for marriage is. This is an appeal for obedience to Leave and Cleave. Love your wives, save them from the pain that they should not have to bear. You don’t need to buy a house to obey. You can just rent if you like. The truth of the matter still remains the same Leave and Cleave. Then you will experience the joy of obedience. Financial management will be a different issue to tackle.

Pornography and masturbation.

God is the author of sex. He made it and it is good. He made it good in the context of marriage. But Satan has been distorting it even from the ancient times like Sodom and Gomorrah, in the book of Romans and the other epistles by Paul.

What is bad about pornography and masturbation:
1. IT IS A LIE. We are exchanging the truth and purity of sex with our wives to artificial ones. The pretention of the actors and actresses, the days that they put on in filming, the deception that everything is happening all in one session distorts our expectation of sex and makes us frustrated if we don’t experience the same thing and if our wives do not commit to do the acts that we have seen.

2. IT IS ADDICTING. We might think that nothing is bad about it but sooner or later you cannot seem to pull out of it anymore. What you think you are in control of is now in control of you. You can’t stop thinking of it, you desire to do it again. So you become in bondage to it without you knowing it.

3. IT DEGRADES YOUR VIEW OF WOMEN. it changes your respect for women. You look at the women around you with impure thoughts and disrespect treating them like sex objects specially those women that are wearing seductive clothings.

4. IT LEADS TO ADULTERY. As you look at women around you, you start to look for those women that flirts around. And as the Triangle of Temptation comes – the right time, the right place, and the right woman comes. BAM! You fall into sin. It doesn’t take place all at one time but it is a slow fade, a low slide just like in biology class when slowly boiling a frog to it’s death. It doesn’t know the water is heating up until it’s too late.

ACTION POINTS:
1. REPENT. Ask God for forgiveness and turn away from it.
2. ACCOUNTABILITY GROUP. Find brothers in the Lord that will help you fight against temptation. It is like texting and calling them when you are encountering temptation and asking them to pray for you.
3. RENEW YOUR MIND WITH GOD’S TRUTH. There are so many passages in scriptures to help you overcome – as we remember “wrong thinking leads to wrong action.” We are no longer slave to it. We are dead to it. God has given us victory over sin. God has empowered us through His Holy Spirit.

4. WALK IN THE SPIRIT. The Bible tells us that we should walk in the Spirit. The desires of the Spirit is contrary to that of the sinful nature. When we walk with the Spirit, we think of things that are pure and holy. We desire to read God’s word and spend time with Him rather than engage in the internet.

5. PROTECTING THE YOUNG. Pornography now is so rampant and easily accessible. It pops out of search engine image results even when you’re just researching with the kids and not looking for it. It is really not safe for kids to access the internet without our supervision. It might also help to get censoring or blocking softwares that are available.

6. PRAY AND SPEND TIME WITH GOD. Have your quiet time, spend time with Him who is our satisfaction. Let Him fill us and satisfy our desires. Allow Him to take control of us that we might take our minds off these things and focus on doing things for Him. Let’s continue to be in prayer as the it is a spiritual warfare. Let us pry for the purity of ourselves and our children.

In closing, let us remember that God forgives our sins through Jesus Christ’s death on the cross and His Resurrection. He purifies us from all unrighteousness. He empowers us by His Holy Spirit to be holy as He is holy. God bless you all.

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